The Cr@p joke thread continued... - Page 2 - GT-R Register - Official Nissan Skyline and GTR Owners Club forum

andreasgtr · 12th October 2010, 04:33 PM

LOL! Maybe not really a cr@p joke

Boosted · 12th October 2010, 04:36 PM

Possibly, but there was nowhere else to post it

Boosted · 14th October 2010, 01:09 AM

I always know when it's the mother-in-law at the door,....................the mice start throwing themselves on the traps!

I've got a soft spot for my mother in law,....................................a swamp!

I got her a new chair for xmas,.......................................she still hasnt plugged it in!

Boosted · 14th October 2010, 01:14 AM

2 blokes are walking down the road, first bloke says "You're a ****, you've always been a ****, and you always will be a ****, everything about you makes you a ****, an utter and complete ****. In fact, if you entered a **** competition you would come 2nd!"

Second bloke asks "Why wouldn't I come first?"

First bloke replies "Because you're a ****!"

Boosted · 14th October 2010, 01:16 AM

A Kiwi farmer and his wife had just got married and found a nice hotel for their wedding night.

The man approached the front desk and asked for a room.

He says, "We're on our honeymoon and we need a nice room, with a good strong bed."

The clerk winked and replied, "Do you want the 'Bridal'?"

The Kiwi reflected on this for a moment and then said, "Nah, I reckon not. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it."

Boosted · 14th October 2010, 01:20 AM

Q: What do you get if you insert human DNA into a sheep?

A: Banned from the petting zoo

Boosted · 14th October 2010, 01:24 AM

It is the largest ocean on the planet.

It covers 46% of the worlds water surface.

The equator divides it into the North and South.

It's Latin name 'Mare Pacificum' means peaceful sea.

Sorry...

I'm being very Pacific.

Boosted · 14th October 2010, 01:27 AM

A nun was having a bath when there was a knock on the door

"Who is it?" she asked

"Only the blindman" said the guy at the door

"Oh come in my son" she said

The guy says "Nice tits love, where do you want the blind?"

Boosted · 14th October 2010, 01:31 AM

2 dyslexics walk into a flat.

one says to the other "can you smell gas?"

other one says "smell gas? i can hardly smell my own name!"

Boosted · 14th October 2010, 01:32 AM

I'm dyslexic, and Windmills 7 was my idea.

Boosted · 14th October 2010, 01:33 AM

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.

The music was really, really loud, so I timed my fart with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better.

... I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod

Boosted · 14th October 2010, 01:35 AM

Marriage is like a deck of playing cards,

in the beginning all you need is 2 hearts and a diamond,

by the end you'll wish you had a ****ing club and Spade!

Boosted · 14th October 2010, 01:38 AM

Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for a medical,

a few days later the doctor phones.

"Paddy", he says, "You've got sugar diabetes!"

"Ok, when do i fight him?" asks Paddy

GavGTR · 15th October 2010, 08:56 AM

A farmer in the Somerset area was fined 50 quid for not reporting the theft of this neighbours gate. When he was asked why he didn't call the cops he replied "I saw these two pikeys nicking the gate, But I never said anything in case they took a fence!"

TAZZMAXX · 15th October 2010, 02:32 PM

Met a girl in the park yesterday - there was an instant spark between us and she fell at my feet. As I ****ed her I thought, these taser guns are well worth the money.

12th October 2010, 04:33 PM	#16 (permalink)
andreasgtr andreasgtr is GTR R33 hardcore fan GTROC2JAPAN2012 :D Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Krautland with Heidi& Franz, schnell schnell Posts: 2,395	LOL! Maybe not really a cr@p joke __________________

12th October 2010, 04:36 PM	#17 (permalink)
Boosted Boosted is bending over and taking one for the team GTR Register User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 4,204	Possibly, but there was nowhere else to post it __________________

14th October 2010, 01:09 AM	#18 (permalink)
Boosted Boosted is bending over and taking one for the team GTR Register User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 4,204	I always know when it's the mother-in-law at the door,....................the mice start throwing themselves on the traps! I've got a soft spot for my mother in law,....................................a swamp! I got her a new chair for xmas,.......................................she still hasnt plugged it in! __________________

14th October 2010, 01:14 AM	#19 (permalink)
Boosted Boosted is bending over and taking one for the team GTR Register User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 4,204	2 blokes are walking down the road, first bloke says "You're a **, you've always been a , and you always will be a , everything about you makes you a , an utter and complete . In fact, if you entered a competition you would come 2nd!" Second bloke asks "Why wouldn't I come first?" First bloke replies "Because you're a **!" __________________

14th October 2010, 01:16 AM	#20 (permalink)
Boosted Boosted is bending over and taking one for the team GTR Register User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 4,204	A Kiwi farmer and his wife had just got married and found a nice hotel for their wedding night. The man approached the front desk and asked for a room. He says, "We're on our honeymoon and we need a nice room, with a good strong bed." The clerk winked and replied, "Do you want the 'Bridal'?" The Kiwi reflected on this for a moment and then said, "Nah, I reckon not. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it." __________________

14th October 2010, 01:20 AM	#21 (permalink)
Boosted Boosted is bending over and taking one for the team GTR Register User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 4,204	Q: What do you get if you insert human DNA into a sheep? A: Banned from the petting zoo __________________

14th October 2010, 01:24 AM	#22 (permalink)
Boosted Boosted is bending over and taking one for the team GTR Register User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 4,204	It is the largest ocean on the planet. It covers 46% of the worlds water surface. The equator divides it into the North and South. It's Latin name 'Mare Pacificum' means peaceful sea. Sorry... I'm being very Pacific. __________________

14th October 2010, 01:27 AM	#23 (permalink)
Boosted Boosted is bending over and taking one for the team GTR Register User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 4,204	A nun was having a bath when there was a knock on the door "Who is it?" she asked "Only the blindman" said the guy at the door "Oh come in my son" she said The guy says "Nice tits love, where do you want the blind?" __________________

14th October 2010, 01:31 AM	#24 (permalink)
Boosted Boosted is bending over and taking one for the team GTR Register User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 4,204	2 dyslexics walk into a flat. one says to the other "can you smell gas?" other one says "smell gas? i can hardly smell my own name!" __________________

14th October 2010, 01:32 AM	#25 (permalink)
Boosted Boosted is bending over and taking one for the team GTR Register User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 4,204	I'm dyslexic, and Windmills 7 was my idea. __________________

14th October 2010, 01:33 AM	#26 (permalink)
Boosted Boosted is bending over and taking one for the team GTR Register User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 4,204	I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my fart with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. ... I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me.... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod __________________

14th October 2010, 01:35 AM	#27 (permalink)
Boosted Boosted is bending over and taking one for the team GTR Register User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 4,204	Marriage is like a deck of playing cards, in the beginning all you need is 2 hearts and a diamond, by the end you'll wish you had a ****ing club and Spade! __________________

14th October 2010, 01:38 AM	#28 (permalink)
Boosted Boosted is bending over and taking one for the team GTR Register User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 4,204	Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for a medical, a few days later the doctor phones. "Paddy", he says, "You've got sugar diabetes!" "Ok, when do i fight him?" asks Paddy __________________

15th October 2010, 08:56 AM	#29 (permalink)
GavGTR GavGTR is ,was, and about to be!!! Executive GTR Owners Club Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Easting the Big Smoke Cars owned: R32 GTR with light modification - Bye Bye MR2 and Celica Posts: 1,747	A farmer in the Somerset area was fined 50 quid for not reporting the theft of this neighbours gate. When he was asked why he didn't call the cops he replied "I saw these two pikeys nicking the gate, But I never said anything in case they took a fence!" __________________ GTROCer "Own a GTR - RESISTENCE IS FUTILE!" Last edited by GavGTR; 15th October 2010 at 08:59 AM..

15th October 2010, 02:32 PM	#30 (permalink)
TAZZMAXX TAZZMAXX is hoping for the best but expecting the worst Moderator Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Staffordshire Cars owned: R35 GTR Posts: 7,211	Not crap, just funny Met a girl in the park yesterday - there was an instant spark between us and she fell at my feet. As I ****ed her I thought, these taser guns are well worth the money. __________________

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