An Ode to Ken - and his cronies.

[Blow Dog]

It's the one thing the modern day car enthusiast dreads the most. It's happened to most of us here. If not, then statistics show that it will be your turn soon. You can try to avoid it all you want, but fact is, we're surrounded and outnumbered.

Yes, that's right folks. I'm talking about traffic cameras.

Well, I've been caught on one approximately 4 years ago and was penalised for doing 54 in a 40. Took it on the chin and vowed to be extra vigilant in the future. 4 years later, I've got a clean license, insurance premiums aren't bad for me and, well, it's a clean slate.

Until this turns up leading up to christmas:



Oh crap. Never had one like this before. It looks so....formal. A frightening piece of paper that brands you in an instant a road criminal. Sneered upon by your peers, Labour have succesfully made driving offences as socially unacceptable as criminal offences. Damn Ken and his hippie lifestyle. The man doesn't yet have a license yet he practically sets road policy!

Enough of that. What do I do? Does the wife have a clean license? Yes, but that's unfair - even though she would take the points in an instant. What's the available loopholes? Are there any with traffic lights? Who can I call? Are there any recommended solicitors? Damn - I'm panicking.

"Leave it darling" wife tells me, "It's probably a mistake - you'll work something out. You always do". Hmm. Not a big deal I think. 3 points. Fine of £60.00. I'll just accept it was me and go ahead with it. I'm a citizen of this country, if I've broken the law then I should pay the consequences.

Or should I? There are, allegedly, millions of cars on our roads that have no tax, insurance or MOT. There are hundreds and thousands of cars in London alone with fake plates. Am I right in saying the law abiders of the UK are being victimised as a result of the crimes committed by the persistent offenders? Why should I, a tax payer, a lawful citizen of the UK, just shrug this off?

Furthermore, my wife raises a very interesting point.
"Do you know where that road is?"
"Yes, I do - it's just down the road"
"What's the speed limit?"
"I think it's 50MPH"
"So why were you doing 19MPH?"

Attagirl!
I'm thinking now, why on earth would I go through a red light in a 50MPH road doing 19MPH?
Besides, one thing is really bugging me. When I go through a red light, I remember it. I mean really remember it.
I remember going through a red light over 8 months ago. I remember the scenario exactly. It involved a stubborn Lotus Elise that slowed down in front of me and accelerated out of amber in the last second. In my own stubborness, I followed him and went through the red light. I remember it like it was yesterday.

I send a letter full of nice words and ask for photos.

This is the photos I got back:





More I look at it, the more dodgy it comes across. Again, Ms Dog in her infinite wisdom points out another fact of facts. In both pictures my brake lights are on. I'm begining to understand what Columbo had in that mystery wife of his!

In fact, I don't know about you, but looks to me like I've stopped!
So why the 'mater of fact' acompanying letter? Beats me - looks like I'm going to have to accept it or go to court. Which will it be?
Well, I call up a few good lawyers. Anyone worth his salt wants at least £500 for the day from me. Nice earner if you can get it. Coupled with my loss of earnings for the day if I turn up, it's looking like the 3 points are the most attractive option.

Anyway, I leave it till the very last day before I make a decision (I'm like that, last minute everything in my life). I call the Central Driving Offences unit.

Operator picks up and I tell him my story. Seems a nice enough chap. Listens, opens up my file and is pretty sympathetic. I play it all on to him - "First time" I tell him "Never experienced this before" I tell him....etc. He then gets his team leader to qualify a decision.

Now, can someone tell me, what the hell is the matter with Middle Management (tm) staff in the UK today? What exactly drives them into this ruthless persona? Is it a pre-requisite? Does the job make them that? Or do they suit the job because they're powerless powermongers?

Anyway, he didn't care. Didn't even want to entertain me. Now, I'm being polite and courteous. I'm telling him the story. I'm also giving him some of my background; "heavily involved in motoring institutions" - "regular advanced driver training" - nada.

This guys a right Charlie Bronson. Time to play my wild card I think.

"Tell me, when was the last time your traffic light was checked for calibration for both time and speed?"

Silence.

I also tell him "Because, you're a civil servant of sorts, it wouldn't be proper of me to waste money in courts if the machine wasn't even calibrated"

He tells me "You have to ask that in court - we don't give that information out at this stage."

"Nonsense" I yell at him "You're making this up - I want to see documented and official evidence to suggest your lights were calibrated"

"I'll get you my manager". Superb.

A lady gets on the phone, immediately on the defense. I explain to her my situation and she listens, politely and courteously.
After 10 minutes of paper shuffling and listening, she says:

"If it were me, I would not have ever let this case get so far. It's obvious you're stopped. You're not over the pedestrian crossing and you're not obstructing the box junction, so you're not a danger. Look, send me another letter and I'll see what I can do."

Bingo. 20 minutes later I'm putting a 1st class stamp on an envelope.

2 weeks later, I receive this:




I feel sorry for the thousands of people who receive these NIP every, single day. Some of these people are completely innocent. A vast majority of them won't have neither the inclination, time nor skills required to challenge the behemoth that is Met Police.

But Met Police are not the evil ones. In fact, in a time where we live in a police state, the police aren't the ones who make life in London so hiddeous. No, the guilty are City of Westminster.

The central borough of London covering the city and some of the west end, they are responsible for the most ruthless form of parking offence fining I've ever seen. They also hide behind the monicker, Transport for London, curators of the fine Congestion Charge. Don't get me wrong, I think the congestion charge is a fantastic idea. But again, it's a system that penalises the law abiding citizen whilst the law breakers are living a better life.

My good wife forgot to pay my congestion charge a few weeks ago. "No problem sweetheart, you're only human - we forget things time to time" So I ring up Transport for London and they fine me, bang, £40.00.

So unfair! I cry. I'm an honest, hard working citizen!
I'm telling you, I forgot to pay it, what's the big deal I have my credit card right here?
"Sorry sir, you've just admitted that you didn't pay for it, so you're liable for a fine"
I speak to her some more, explain to her that we're only human and it's not like I'm trying to get away with it. I tell her about the thousands of illegal vehicles on the road and how they should be penalised, not me. She's out of her depth and about to hang up on me.
"Don't you DARE hang up on me! That would just be the final insult!"

Same with parking. I have a £100.00 fine now because I challenged City of Westminster over a fine that was unjustly issued. Do I go to court, and lose a days salary for the sake of £100? Or should I fight it on principal?
She DID hang up on me

Life in London positively sucks. When we drive to work, or to meet a friend, or to pick up your wife, you think things. You think about work, family, income, mortgage, holidays, children. Oh - what was that camera flash? Damn, wasn't paying attention. Crap. Oh well, let's look for a parking spot. No. Nothing here. Nope. Oh, that looks like a nice spot. I'll leave it there. Come back 10 minutes later and the warden who speaks no english has pounced.
Not been a good day. You're thinking about the camera flash earlier and the £50.00 fine you've just picked up. I was going to buy myself a new suit. That'll have wait now.
Meanwhile, you've gone home and it's not until you wake up at 4.am and curse - you forgot to pay the congestion charge.

Life in London is no longer about being ambitious and career minded. There are far too many obstacles in London that make life here just so damn hard. I can't even park outside my house anymore without having to pay for a parking permit. I understand the need to use a parking permit. But for residents to pay for it? Where's the bloody sense in that!!??

"Sell your car!" I hear you shout! Christ, lady, have you sampled good ol' public transport lately?

I take my train into work every single day. Have used public transport for 12 years now and have watched it get worse, and worse, and worse....
Over Xmas, Thameslink decide they no longer want to go past Kentish Town. I now have to make alternative travel arrangements for a week, costing me in excess of £500 in taxi fares and lost time in the office. I want a refund for the week you didn't provide me with a service. "Sorry, we're only paying out for 1 day - we're covered by our charter".

You're well protected then, huh?

I hear insurance premiums are going up as a result of the uninsured people on the road. What the f***? Which dickhead makes these decisions?

Damnit there's a message here but I just can't figure it out. Somebody with power is sat there trying to do something and it's just beyond my reach. There people are our elected leaders who should be acting not on the whims of personal gain, but the unanimous opinions of its public.

Weapons of mass destruction?
How are those poor people in Iran doing right now, the thick of winter with hundreds of thousands out in the cold? 45,000 people dead from an Earthquake. Bush, meanwhile, spent US$379.3 billion on the military last year.

Wow, tangent alert. My fingers hurt from typing. I'm going to go to bed. Fitting that I finish this on the dawn of a new day.

Cem

[SteveN]

Well done for getting away with it, shows what perseverance and good thinking does.

On a different note, your car looks ****in awesome in them redlight pics!

I love R32GTRs, but i think i love R34GTRs now too, unlike R33s roundedness, R34GTRs are basicly a bigger R32GTR, same argressive angular shape, and coool as ****.

[Bajie]

Well done that man!

It cost me [including solicitor] well over a thousand pounds for my five points speeding reward.
Next time [if there is one] I'm going to have to consult your missus!

[TOKYO]

Your thoughts ring oh so true. Your sentiments echo how me and my friends generally feel.

Bl00dy hell Cem, we spent over 2 and a half hours yesterday talking in Starbucks about cars and general life. Just think if we had started on these subjects . We'd never have got home .

A good result by the way .

Glen

[Mycroft]

Cem, the things you are experiencing have been the things I have fought against all my life, I hate peety laws and busy-bodies, the cards are tipped toward the PC andpressure group.

Worse still we motorists do it to ourselves, we complain that that man doesn't pay tax or insurance etc etc ad nauseum, and so this dreadful gov'ment hearing the baying of such raised voices introduces petty irritating little laws, it is like death by a million pin-pricks...

To catch maybe a dozen 'transgressors' life is made a 'sh!t-festival' for thousands... you are fined immediately for simple forgetfulness, because of the one or 2 people who ride the system, we shout 'unfair' and cast about us yet another chain in so doing.

Back in the past what defined the 'English' was their easy going nature a 'live and let live' character... this has changed to a mean spirited, 'That's not fair he's getting away with it'

We shout 'look at these drivers that drive with no insurance, thats not fair', so in an effort to appease all the voices raised we pay a premium to get a link up with Ins. Cos' and the PNC[Police National Computer] the result we paid the tarriff added to all our ins, premiums and the system is utterly useless and virtually unusable, and this system was supposed to remove the 3% setaside to cover the un-insured, so the result? We paid 75 million pounds and we still have the 3% now 5% set-aside. It went up because as that additional premium was added a few years back [remember that sudden hike?] more people decided that the cost was too high.

We yet again shot ourselves in the foot.

BTW these self same 'bad' people drive more carefully and have fewer accidents than any other drivers on the road!

The setaside was a making a good profit, it now does not!

There are countless examples of this stupidity everywhere...

As soon as my commission has ended I'm off, outta here, this Country is no longer one I like much.

I no longer feel 'at home' here.

To drive a car here is to be seen by the Gov'ment as a milk-cow, by petty factional pressure groups as a devil and by various thieves and opportunists as easy meat.

5 years ago I received a parking ticket whilst waiting half in/half out of a parking space I could not leave due to a traffic jam, the engine was running I was indicating, but could not pull out fully to join the road [in Westminster] the warden put the ticket on my car whilst I sat there... I had been stuck there for 5 minutes and my time expired 3 minutes earlier... that 'case' too was dropped, but i had to make a terrible fuss... I knew from that moment the cards were dealt against us all.

I could cheerfully strangle Mr. Livingstone in his sleep and not show the slightest remorse... in fact I would go dance on the PC bound non-driving gits grave and hold a midnight mass casting him to the devil...

Sorry for the long post but this has been at the forefront of my driving life for a few years now and i now don't play 'there' game, if I could I would take out every damned computer that is used against us, I really wish I had the skills to produce such a virus and plant it in the damned things, 'cos I'd do it and would not even hesitate for one second.

Edit out anything I have said that offends but I am seriously grumpy about this.

I rejoice at your righting of the wrong that was being forced upon you, but cringe that you have to suffer such things in the first place.

Regards to you and your family Cem

Iain.

[bladerider]

Absolutely spot on Cem,

You think its bad in London as an occasional driver, you want to try driving a van round it every day.

In their infinite wisdom I can purchase the congestion charge one day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time or a year at a time - just like a railway ticket. And just like a railway ticket you dont get charged just for the days you use it, but for the whole period.

Why cant they issue you with credits that you top up, they spent millins on the camera system to check every entrance into the congestion zone,. so why not save on the number of telephonists and so on and just use the automatic number plate cameras to just knock a credit off every day you enter the zone. A bit like mobile top up cards.

I have been nabbed five times for not paying the charge in the year it has been operating. Even if you remeber on the day you travel if you call them after 10pm they double the charge to £10.....WTF is that all about - a forgetful schoolboy rule ??? For adult drivers??? That leftie labour twat should **** off back to obscurity before someone like me does a Micheal Douglas on him and decides its the day he's Falling Down !!!

I just wish that the Tories could all kill themselves, some new blood get in there with some positive ideas to oust those New Labour sh1t stabbers and shake this country up a bit - it sucks big time at the mo.

On a more freindly note............

Originally posted by SteveN
Well done for getting away with it, shows what perseverance and good thinking does.

On a different note, your car looks ****in awesome in them redlight pics!

I love R32GTRs, but i think i love R34GTRs now too, unlike R33s roundedness, R34GTRs are basicly a bigger R32GTR, same argressive angular shape, and coool as ****.

Its about time you saw the light. This is what I have been banging on about for ages. 32's are awesome, and a fraction lighter (less than 100kgs) but they no way look better than 34's im afraid. More original, more pure, more dated, but not MORE

hehehe I knew you'd see the light in the end

Nice post Cem, and well done for sticking it to 'em. We need a million more people to do this and their whole system would come crashing down and they would be stuffed. Ive said it before and I'll say it again, we have become a pathetic nation of whingeing sheep that do nothing more than bleat !!

G'night,

James.

[skylinelee]

cem
you need to move up north and relax mate.
but somehow cant see you wearing a flat cap

well done beating the police and money making machines known to us as local council's

lee

[bladerider]

Well said Iain,

I got a parking ticket in a van with hazard lights that the warden had seen me unloading kit from in a goods loading zone. I shut the doors, locked the van and went inside to make sure everything was in order and tell the customer I would be back in five minutes once I found a parking space and came out to find a ticket on the window and the warden strolling on down the road. When I asked him WTF he thought he was doing he said that I had parked (still with the hazards flashing) and that if I had a problem with it I could write to the council.

There was nearly one less Trinidadian/Nigerian whatever the f*** boat he had just got off of in the world I can tell you. Im not really all that racist but goddamn did he get some verbal !!

Ticket was written off by council as "possibly over zealous"

gggrrrrrrr I wont be able to sleep now, Im fumin just thinking about it !!!

J.

[davewilkins]

Great thread
Get it off your chests
Will think of you as I pootle into work (takes 20 minutes) with no jams in my 'ickle mondeo

[Fuggles]

Cem,

Brilliant write up (as ever). Just shows you what we're up against every day! Great to see you stick at it - well done.

[KrazY_IvaN]

Well done Cem, glad to see that there is still some justice left thou no much. But all this is part of the reason I am leaving London an off to Ireland first chance I get. Next to 0 speed cameras in the whole country, the fastest thing the local police drive are 1.2 Yaris and only 2 point for speeding (when you get caught by a copper as apposed to a grey box) in stead of 3. Does that make me sound like a criminal? We'll I get treated like one (despite having a clean license since I passed my test 7 years ago) so I may as well sound like one when I want.

[zbloke]

Nice one Cem
Shows what can be achieved when you stand up to the "tax collectors", if anyone else is unfortunate enough to be caught by a "tax camera" visit this site for some moral support and advice

Tim

[LSR]

Excellent post Cem, and Mycroft, hitting the nail on the head and highlighting the direction of motoring (what is supposed to be a hobby to so many people) in this country (a direction that isn't good), and what our public services, or public transport, is like - which makes it blatently clear why we despise using them.

As said, it does show wherededication and determination are likely to help.

[wendle]

there was a small piece in one of the daily papers the other day which stated that " for the first time ever in 2003 more people were jailed for motoring offences than burglary offences"


Just shows you what your up against.


dave

[^Qwerty^]

Top of the morning to yah for that one