The cr@p joke thread ... - Page 33 - GT-R Register - Official Nissan Skyline and GTR Owners Club forum

Boosted · 15th January 2010, 10:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by g-from-lancs

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Awesome, just ****ing awesome!!

Bajie · 19th January 2010, 02:01 PM

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue. . . . .

Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman:" Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp...."
Doctor:"I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle".

2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again.

Woman:" Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled repeatedly with chamomile tea and he never touched me.

Doctor: "Do you see how keeping your mouth shut helps!!!"

tonigmr2 · 19th January 2010, 03:07 PM

I see how it's going to be...

Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A. Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.

Q. Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A. Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

I could go on.

Boosted · 19th January 2010, 04:33 PM

Q: What do clouds and women both have in common? A: As soon as they **** off you have a nice day!

Boosted · 19th January 2010, 04:35 PM

Q: What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Q: Nothing, you've already told her twice.

xaero1 · 21st January 2010, 10:01 AM

What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony

GTRAM · 22nd January 2010, 01:02 PM

What do you call a man with a strange pumpkin-like vegetable on his head

Go(u)rdon

What do you call a man with a strange pumpkin like vegetable on his head sitting.... on an electric rasor

Gordon Braun

GTRAM · 22nd January 2010, 01:04 PM

Keeping up the political theme

Quote:

Originally Posted by xaero1

What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony

........being sick

Tony Blairrrgh

Boosted · 27th January 2010, 03:46 AM

What's the difference between a burglar and a scouser?................One is a thieving **** and the other is a burglar.

xaero1 · 27th January 2010, 08:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grex

did you hear about the irish evil knievel who tried to jump 40 motorbikes in his bus?

Bajie · 27th January 2010, 01:21 PM

Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.
Mick says, "How you doin?"
"Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."
Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters lying on the bed.

He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you."
They say, "Get away with ya.... prove it."

Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of em?"
Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of em, what's the point of ****in one?"

Boosted · 27th January 2010, 05:49 PM

A woman goes to the doctors and says, "I have a problem down below". She opens her legs and out comes 'Glory Glory Man United'. The doctor says "That's fine, lots of twats sing that!"

Bajie · 28th January 2010, 07:16 AM

^^^

Now that, is top quality, definitely coming out on the next drinkup ...

xaero1 · 5th February 2010, 07:57 AM

I was lying in bed last night when the Grim Reaper came to get me! I put up a good fight and ended up fighting him off with my vacuum cleaner.

...Talk about Dyson with death!

xaero1 · 5th February 2010, 08:00 AM

HP recommend that you only use HP products in their printers. Well I just put HP sauce in my Inkjet and blew the bloody thing up!

19th January 2010, 02:01 PM	#482 (permalink)
Bajie Bajie is loving his 32 ... but loves a Pornstar more Not in The Banned Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: London Cars owned: R32 GTR , 2.2TDCi ST Posts: 4,036	A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue. . . . . Doctor: "What happened?" Woman:" Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp...." Doctor:"I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle". 2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again. Woman:" Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled repeatedly with chamomile tea and he never touched me. Doctor: "Do you see how keeping your mouth shut helps!!!" __________________ Frittons Gold introduces Harriet the Geek 18.12.09 .... Oh yeah! Mondeo TDCi ST RK500 with Serious Performance バジエアールケイ五百＝　セリウズ　パフォーマンス To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

19th January 2010, 03:07 PM	#483 (permalink)
tonigmr2 tonigmr2 is just back from the ring and knackered. Moderator Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Herts Cars owned: MR2 TC Project, R34GTR Posts: 3,581	I see how it's going to be... Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung? A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A. Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals." Q. What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it. Q. Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? A. Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe. I could go on. __________________ UK R34GTR V-Spec :) You can either have money or stuff. I have stuff.

19th January 2010, 04:33 PM	#484 (permalink)
Boosted Boosted is bending over and taking one for the team GTR Register Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 2,793	Q: What do clouds and women both have in common? A: As soon as they **** off you have a nice day! __________________

19th January 2010, 04:35 PM	#485 (permalink)
Boosted Boosted is bending over and taking one for the team GTR Register Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 2,793	Q: What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Q: Nothing, you've already told her twice. __________________

21st January 2010, 10:01 AM	#486 (permalink)
xaero1 xaero1 is hungry New Users Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Oxfordshire Cars owned: 306 Rallye Posts: 4,050	What do you call a man with no shins? Tony __________________

22nd January 2010, 01:02 PM	#487 (permalink)
GTRAM GTRAM is without NAV GTROC Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: West London Cars owned: V70 R (Nursed by Russell at RT) 2009 R35 Posts: 288	What do you call a man with a strange pumpkin-like vegetable on his head Go(u)rdon What do you call a man with a strange pumpkin like vegetable on his head sitting.... on an electric rasor Gordon Braun __________________ Last edited by GTRAM; 22nd January 2010 at 01:04 PM..

27th January 2010, 03:46 AM	#489 (permalink)
Boosted Boosted is bending over and taking one for the team GTR Register Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 2,793	What's the difference between a burglar and a scouser?................One is a thieving **** and the other is a burglar. __________________

27th January 2010, 01:21 PM	#491 (permalink)
Bajie Bajie is loving his 32 ... but loves a Pornstar more Not in The Banned Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: London Cars owned: R32 GTR , 2.2TDCi ST Posts: 4,036	Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him. Mick says, "How you doin?" "Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing." Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters lying on the bed. He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you." They say, "Get away with ya.... prove it." Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of em?" Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of em, what's the point of ***in one?" __________________ Frittons Gold introduces Harriet the Geek 18.12.09 .... Oh yeah! Mondeo TDCi ST RK500 with Serious Performance バジエアールケイ五百＝　セリウズ　パフォーマンス To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.*

27th January 2010, 05:49 PM	#492 (permalink)
Boosted Boosted is bending over and taking one for the team GTR Register Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 2,793	A woman goes to the doctors and says, "I have a problem down below". She opens her legs and out comes 'Glory Glory Man United'. The doctor says "That's fine, lots of twats sing that!" __________________

28th January 2010, 07:16 AM	#493 (permalink)
Bajie Bajie is loving his 32 ... but loves a Pornstar more Not in The Banned Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: London Cars owned: R32 GTR , 2.2TDCi ST Posts: 4,036	^^^ Now that, is top quality, definitely coming out on the next drinkup ... __________________ Frittons Gold introduces Harriet the Geek 18.12.09 .... Oh yeah! Mondeo TDCi ST RK500 with Serious Performance バジエアールケイ五百＝　セリウズ　パフォーマンス To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

5th February 2010, 07:57 AM	#494 (permalink)
xaero1 xaero1 is hungry New Users Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Oxfordshire Cars owned: 306 Rallye Posts: 4,050	I was lying in bed last night when the Grim Reaper came to get me! I put up a good fight and ended up fighting him off with my vacuum cleaner. ...Talk about Dyson with death! __________________

5th February 2010, 08:00 AM	#495 (permalink)
xaero1 xaero1 is hungry New Users Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Oxfordshire Cars owned: 306 Rallye Posts: 4,050	HP recommend that you only use HP products in their printers. Well I just put HP sauce in my Inkjet and blew the bloody thing up! __________________

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes	Rate This Thread
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode	Rate This Thread: