Clarkson

[Fuggles]

With so much positive press about the new GT-R and with many people have written or test driven it already, ahead of BBC's Top Gear. It falls on Jeremy Clarkson to have, potentially, the last say. With Mr Clarkson being one to court controversy I thought it might be a good idea to pre-guess what the man might say. So, I need three things from you;
- a positive statement a-la Clarkson mode
- a negative statement a-la Clarkson mode
- the intro for The Stig to drive the R35 (think GT-R, Nissan, R35, etc.)

For the final one there will be some goodies for the best Stig Intro:
- An official Nissan GT-R memory stick (with full European spec details)
- R35 GT-R at Nurburgring launch booklet
- The Legend is Real DVD (media press release)
- GTROC baseball cap
- GTROC limited edition R35 T-shirt
- 50th Anniversary limited edition set of GTR playing cards
- 50th anniversary limited edition set of Takara Tomy model cars
- £5 off voucher for Japanese Performance magazine

POSITIVE
????

NEGATIVE
????

STIG INTRO
????

[moleman]

Positive - It's like a £60k Playstation.

Negative - It's like a £60k Playstation.

Stig Intro - Some say he doesn't know what a Playstation is. Now he does.



Frankly, I'm dreading what the pubes for hair one will say about the R35.

[GavGTR]

POSITIVE
Well, here it is ladys and gentleman, Nissans best kept secret for the last 5 years and my word what a car! The accleration is just astonishing, getting you from 0-60 in 3.5 secs leaving porkers and Ferarri's in its wake! Handling that defys imagination and it will come to a stop quicker than M1!
NEGATIVE
But its not all good news inside however, oh no, see the engineers at Nissan are convinced the you should have a button for every situation and you have a dash board comparable to the space shuttle! Switches, knobs, buttons, which do I have to press for my expresso? *Insert Blank confused look*

STIG INTRO
And now its time to put the GTR into the hands of our tame racing driver!
Some say that he hunts green peace vessels and several torpedos hiding in his trosuers and that he only ever watches Charles Bronson films all we know is that he is called the Stig!

[doggiehowser]

Oh! What the heck! :P I'm happy with the car no matter what he says... and I'll have a great time watching the show (not just the GTR episode)

Positive
The last time I got my face this warped, I was in an Ariel Atom! At least this time, I didn't have to swallow any bugs :P

Negative
If I was a rich w@nker banker type, I wouldn't be caught dead slumming in the local Nissan dealership with the gay (oops did I say that out loud?) guy buying the pink Micra

And what is it with that perpetual whine and clunk from the back seat!? Is there a dead cat in there?

STIG Intro:
Some say when he farts, it smells like wasabi and sounds like a jet engine taking off, all we know is that he goes like Schtick..

[ru']

lol

Positive: Powah! Flappy paddle gearshift that actually works!

Negative: Why can't you just switch all the electronics off?

Stig: Some say he was made in Japan, and that he thinks in binary. All we know (etc.)

[Fuggles]

not that I can win...........

STIG: "most people's brains are split into left and right, but his is shaped like a V6, and his gonads are actually paddle shifts. All we know, is we call him the Stig"

[Hugh Keir]

Originally Posted by Fuggles

not that I can win...........

STIG: "most people's brains are split into left and right, but his is shaped like a V6, and his gonads are actually paddle shifts. All we know, is we call him the Stig"

PMSL

Nice one John

[EvilChap]

Positive:
The GTR is simply Epic. It has more power than many small countries, and make full use of every last one! Just look how it does in this little drag race I have arranged...

Negative:
It's a Nissan, and that's just not cool. I need that power in my life, but I dont need that badge. I'd buy the R8, I know it's worse in every way on paper, but I just would.

Stig:
Some say he lives on a diet of optimax alone, and that he would rather gnaw off his own arm than watch 5th gear review the GTR again.

[Pharoahe]

That's a real nice competition, to bad my english isn't that good to come up with some witty comments on the GT-R

Good luck

[sin]

Positive:

When our friends at Nissan said they were going to build an everyday supercar to compete with the Porsche 911 Turbo, i did think to myself that someone has had a little too much sake (saki, sp?). Then they posted a ring time that was 2 seconds quicker than the beetle.............. sorry porsche, then some reviews mention the Veyron in the same sentence and you begin to wander have they achieved what they set out to do.

When you first see the car, you can see that its ready to fight, like a stealth bomber on 4 wheels, and every single angle and crease on the car is there for a purpose, to make it cut through the air with the grace and ease of a samurai sword.

The engine is a master piece, torque from this V6 twin turbo gives instant acceleration from any where in the rev range and when matched with this sublime semi automatic gearbox the acceleration is just one continuous surge, last time i felt acceleration this contant i was sitting in 1st class on a 747 looking at pictures of my gallardo (did i mention i had a gallardo).

Then when you come to the twisty bits dont worry, this is where the GT-R excels itself, the traction you get from the advanced 4 wheel drive system into and out of corners is nothing short of amazing and if Isaac Newton was still here today he would surely be going over his notes.

You then begin to wonder if Nissan have made a mistake making this for the road, you get the feeling that this was probably developed for the Shinkansen, because this thing goes like a train and handles like its on rails.



Negative:

I refuse to write anything in this section, but if there are any it will be on its looks (bottom feeder although he used that for the spyker), or all the electronics (playstation), cos he does like mechanical stuff.

Stig:

Some say his blood tastes like sake (saki, sp?), and if he ever bit you, you swell up like a Blowfish, all we know is.............

[diddy_p]

good: the performance is epic
bad: its a renault/datsun (yes i know its not a renault and neither is the 350z but didnt stop that fool saying it)

[xsvoid]

positive: its 52K, quicker than the germans and my mum can drive it.
negative: the driving is not as "involved" as the porsche or Audi R8. the car simply does everything for you.

stig: Some say he kidnaps fat people for a living and that he eats brillo pads, all we know is that he is the stig.

[R34 GTT Boy]

Positive: It looks futuristic and moves the benchmark onto the woodwork teachers desk

Negative: No matter how much I squint or enjoy the fun its still a Nissan...

Stig: Stig has tamed many wild beasts but just see how he does with the son of Godzilla....

[bonzelite]

+: "Nissan has done it again, overachieving with it's cult hero, iconic GT-R, but this time it's on the global assualt..."

-: "...and it just does everything too well... had I wanted the ideal sports coupe', I'd have just played Gran Turismo --but wait... Nissan has taken the trouble to make a video game experience the ultimate "reality show" on wheels.... the R35... the ultimate virtual reality that is virtually soulless."

stig: "Some say he emerged from the primordial atmospheric methanogens of Saturn's moon Titan, ejected into space as a fractious child and then sent to Earth in a fiery impact that wiped out the dinosaurs ------all we know is... he's called the Stig."

[Rising sun]

Positive: Every once in a while, an automobile comes along that changes the game completely. A car that makes you wonder about the validity of today's laws of physics. Is E really mc squared? Does more weight necessarily mean less performance? Can a block achieve some of the best aerodynamic numbers possible? and of course, can a car from a company that used to be known as Datsun really put a porsche 911 turbo and our beloved Audi R8 to shame on the track? With the new 480 hp fire breathing Nissan GT-R straight from the land of samurais and PlayStation, we've discovered the answer to all those questions, and by God does it deviate from the expected! There has been a major coupe d'etat in the supercar world, and Stuggart lies under the guillotine.

Negative: This car won't be winning any beauty pageants. It looks like a Hercules Beetle got between the sheets with Robocop and a Japanese Gundam joined in for a threesome. There are more switches and gadgets than an air traffic control tower, and it weighs more than Nissan's Qashqai SUV. It makes one feel skillful and worthless as a driver all at once. However It is resounding proof that whoever said if you put AWD and turbochargers on a pig it would still remain a pig...was dead wrong. Well the saying doesn't quite go like that, but I'm sure you get what I'm saying.

Stig intro: Some say he's the result of cast molten metal from the factories of ferrari touched with the spark of life, Some say he's the Frankestein of the greatest drivers that ever lived, Some say when he laughs, an Angel gets cast to hell, All we know is he drives on the edge of utter insanity and brilliant precision and we call him the Stig.