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1,757 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
What have fat birds and scooters got in common??
Great fun to ride until yer mates find out.

Why did God create woman?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
Phone her.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal sex makes her holeweak.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
nothing, she's been told twice already.

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it!

How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house.

What's the difference between your wife and yourob?
After 10 years the job still sucks.

What is the definition of Confidence?
When your wife catches you in bed with another woman & you
slap her on the Ass & say, "You're next!"

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his arse.

What do you do if your boiler explodes?
Buy her some flowers.

Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

Jewish dilemma: Free PORK.


How is pussy like a grapefruit?
The best ones squirt when you eat them. (quality heheehe)

PS Sorry Joss and Apols.

:D :D

961 Posts
there good
havent herd any of them before


168 Posts
Very good


Excellent!! Makes a change from my my Bayside Blue is better than your silver [must be something that R34 owners are into]:)


Never heard any of these !:rolleyes:

Dear all

Bigamy is where you have one wife or husband too many. Monagamy is the same.

Ian W

1,757 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
well I am glad we can keep this going...

>Mr. Smith went to the Doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.

>Receptionist: "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab,the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."

>Mr.Smith: "What do you mean?"

>Receptionist: "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other for AIDS. We cannot tell which is your wife."

>Mr.Smith: "That's terrible! What am I supposed to do now?

>Receptionist: "The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town and if she finds her way home, don't shag her."

Boom Boom.

1,757 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
50 things a woman can't do:

1.Know anything about a car, other than it's colour
2.Understand a Film plot
3.Go 24 hours without sending a text message
4.Build a shed
9.Read a Map
10.Rob a Bank
11.Resist Ikea
12.Sit still
13.Tell a Joke
14.Play Pool
15.Pay for Dinner
16.Eat a Kebab while walking
17.Piss out a Train window
18.Argue without shouting
19.Get told off without crying
20.Understand Fruit Machines
21.Walk past a Shoe Shop
22.Make a decent Bacon Sandwich
23.Not comment on a strangers clothes
24.Use small amounts of Toilet Paper
25.Let you sleep off a Hangover
26.Drink a pint gracefully
27.Get in a round
28.Throw a punch
29.Do magic
30.Like your friends
31.Enjoy Porn
32.Eat a Phal Curry
33.Get to the point
34.Like your Ex Girlfriend
35.Take less than 20 minutes in the toilet
36.Sit in a room for five minutes without saying "I'm Cold"
37.Go shopping without telephoning 20 mates
38.Avoid Credit Card Debt
39.Dive into a pool
40.Assemble Furniture
41.Understand Rugby
42.Set a video recorder
43.Not try and change you
44.Watch a war film
45.Understand why flirting results in violence
46.Spend a day by themselves
47.Go to the toilet by themselves
48.Buy a purse that fits their pockets
49.Choose a video quickly
50.Buy plain envelopes
:D :D

1,757 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
when she is playing hard to get and not getting those lines

Here is how to deal with the "my shit don;t stink" Blonde:

Man: Is this seat empty?
> > Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
> > Man: Probably because you will be on your knees sucking on my ****.

> > Man: Your place or mine?
> > Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
> > Man: That's cool, cause after I'm done shagging you in the back of my car, I don't give a shit where you go.

> > Man: So, what do you do for a living?
> > Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
> > Man: So that's how you got that little moustache.

> > Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
> > Woman: Unfertilised.
> > Man: No problem, I can always shoot my load on your back.

> > Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
> > Woman: But would you stay there?
> > Man: Probably, cause you seem like the kind of chick that is impossible to shake off once you shag.

> > Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
> > Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
> > Man: That works for long as you are still a little warm when I shove it up your a#@e.

> > Male: Would you like to dance?
> > Female: I'd rather die.
> > Male: I think you misheard me. I said your arse looks fat in those pants.
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