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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know it's a little long but it cracked me up :)

A business man was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his
wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he
thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He was
browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his
wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.
He explained his situation.
The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and
so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks,
except---" and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."
"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box,
carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay
an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal.
It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door."
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door,
and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the
vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle. Before
the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!"
The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiet once
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that
to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and
remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo
Penis, my crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping.
It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.
After three mind- shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided
she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still
thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her
husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She
put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with
every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm
made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately
pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had
to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink,
officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it
won't stop screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant
voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass."
The rest is history...
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